Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Good advice February 26, 2013 *192.5

When I first started this blog, I had said I wanted to lose 100 lbs before the new year. That is not going to happen, and I am ok with that. Obviously it is too early in the game to predict much weight I am going to lose, but my body is telling me that it 100 lbs is out.

My original plan was to lose 10 lbs a month, and to reach 120 by the end of December 2013. I am averaging a pound a week, so about 5 lbs a month. Which means 120 lbs wont happen this year. Am I ok with that? Yup. I have never lost weight quick, but I sure know how to gain it quick!

I have lost and gained so much weight in my life, that I have become an expert in losing weight. I have kind of switched my focus in the last month.  I am still on my weight lose journey, but I am also working on not regaining it.

I have an addictive obsessive personality. What that means...I am a nut job! Ha kidding (kind of). Every time I lost weight in the past, I would obsess about the amount of weight I could lose in a week. I would get a number in my head, and I would do anything (I mean anything), to get that to happen. Starving and barfing and exercise. If all that didn't work, I would lose courage and start eating, and yup you guessed it...regain everything.

I got wonderful advice early on in my journey, and it really changed how I look at my weight loss journey. 

The number on the scale, really is just a number
Plateaus are a chance to practice maintanence
Trust my body
Restart your diet the minute you fall off, not tomorrow or after the weekend
No one is perfect
Do not obsess
Use your scale as a tool
Stop doing crazy shit to lose weight
Keep trying
Plan everything, meals, contingency plans, diet and exercise

All of these have reduced my stress a hundred fold. Seriously!

Sunday, 24 February 2013

The Hills are alive with the Sounds of Music.. 194.0

I am happy to report that I am reading again. That is a sure sign that I am doing great. Now I just have to get off my ass and start exercising again. I have not gone for a walk since this whole 'episode' started. I heard a bird singing this morning, when I let the dog out, and it made me smile. I actually started to sing 'The hills are alive with the Sounds of Music"! Ok not very well, but you get the picture.

I started thinking about depression and how it affects me. I notice ...

Trouble sleeping
Increase in appetite
Grumpier
Sadder
Tired tired tired
Cry at the drop of the hat
Mean little bitch voice in my head
Panic Attacks
No interest in anything
The death nell...not wanting to read!

Soo, I have not been exercising. You know what that means...thats right, I bombed my New Years Resolution.

On another good note though. I have written a huge To Do list. I put them in columns like People to call, Things to Do, Things to think about. Then I color coded them Red (right now), Orange (almost right now), Yellow (soon) and Black.

I have done almost all the red, though it took me over two weeks to do them all. I feel better without all those To Do things hanging over my head too. Some of them were really simple, like calling the doc. I hate talking on the phone, or seeing people. All of the items on the red list were about calling people for appointments. Sheeesh!

Well I am off to go singing...


Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Homemade Dish Soap

Homemade Dish Soap
I made Homemade Laundry Detergent last month, and I love loved it. I bought some Downy Balls and use Orange infused vinegar as a rinse. I absolutely love it. I will not go back to commercial laundry detergent.

Now I have made....Homemade Dish Soap. 
 
Soap after grated and buzzed
Ingredients:

*1 1/2 cup Boiling Water (I had to add more water, because it was too solid)
*1 Tbsp of Washing Soda
*1 Tbsp of grated bar of soap ( I use Sunlight, and I cant stress enough that it has to be grated fine)
* 1 Tbsp of Vinegar
*Drops of essential oils

Directions:

*Heat water to boiling.
*I use a 2 cup glass measuring cup. It makes it easier for clean up, and pouring the soap after.
*Add your soap, and Washing Soda, and mix until grated soap has melted.
*Let mixture to cool on the counter top for 6-8 hours, giving it a stir every now and then.
Mixture in my blender
*I noticed it started to gel within 5 minutes
*I also noticed the grated soap still had not melted away. Definetly will have to have smaller pieces of soap. It would have made making this sooo much easier. 
* After 6-8 hours, your soap will be ready to pour into your container.

***Edited to add
I ended up doing this a second time. The grated soap just never ended up melting completely. I used my  blender, and blended the grated pieces (I had grated two bars) until they were like corn meal. I went through the whole process again, and I still had a hard time getting everything to melt. So I put the mixture in my blender again! I buzzed the crap out of it, and yahoo it worked. I will keep it in there and buzz through out the day.
 

FYI...I didn't throw out the first batch. I added a tbsp of it to my laundry until I used it all up.

Monday, 18 February 2013

Blog Awards February 18, 2013 *193.5

I am more of a spiritual person than a religiously religious person. I believe in God, but not so much the church. I follow all the holidays in the spirit they were meant. I believe that when a door closes that God will open a window for me. Too many things have happened in my life, for me not to trust in this.

I have been going through another bout of depression, that thankfully is on its way out. I am doing better and feeling better every day. I am not saying receiving two awards changed my life, or even shook me out of my depression. What it did do was make me see that I am not alone.

I am raising a teenage boy (OMG!), who is going through puberty (OMG!), and I am doing this alone. Though I could literally pull my hair out from frustration, he is the reason I am still alive. He was the window that God opened for me. I was on the way out, when I had him, and I imagine if ever something bad happened to him, I would soon follow. Anyhoo that was morbid.

Back to the awards...Short and simple...They made me smile inside.

I realize now that blogger awards are almost like chain letters. Some/Most bloggers do not care when they get one. Sadly I found this out when I nominated people for the Inspirational Blogger Award. The few who did respond, were warm and generous and took it in the spirit that I meant it. I wanted them to know that I appreciated their words, their encouragements, and the work they put into their blog.

Leibster Award!

What?! Another Blogger Award! Stop! I am blushing with happiness. Ok ok stop with the drama. A fellow blogger has nominated me (MOI!) for the Leibster Award. I can not say enough about this....but I will anyways!


Thank you!

Leibster Award Rules
  • Each blogger posts 11 random facts about themselves.
  • Answer the questions the tagger has set for you
  • Choose  3 new bloggers to pass the award to/nominate
  • Come up with 11 new questions to ask your nominees
  • Go to their page and tell them about the award.
    (No tag backs!)
On to the rules and the homework
Some random facts: I believe in God/ I am/was a cutter/I love every season/I have a 200 lbs English Mastiff/I get my nails done/my house if 625 sq feet!/I got laid off last year/I dye my hair because it is nearly completely white (started when I was 15)
Questions for me to answer
*Favorite Skinny dessert?-I don't eat dessert
*Favorite Healthy Restaurant?-I don't go out

*Favorite exercise?-Walking
*What motivated you to start?-Me...I was tired of me
*What are you really passionate about?-Uhm...me...for now.
*Two hobbies?-Cross stitching and my blog
 Chose they bloggers to pass the award to
 I thought of these two because they are totally awesome!
*Behind the Chintz Curtain
*La Crimson Femme
Now to the questions
Who are your favorite authors?
What is your favorite movie?
Who is your favorite actor?
What is your all time favorite book?
Who is your all time favorite character in a book?
Who is your favorite singer/group?
What is your favorite food?
What makes you randomly cry?
What book have you read over and over again?

pass it on!






    Sunday, 17 February 2013

    Homemade Deodorant Powder

    I usually buy expensive deodorant, and they work for awhile, then they stop working for me. I have no idea why. Does my body build resistance?  I started to hunt the internet for a deodorant recipe. One site said just straight Baking Soda. Right!, I thought.

    I had a day off, and I thought why not, so I tried it out. It worked! I even got my teenage son to try it. He put his own deodorant under one arm, and Baking Soda under the other. One sniff test at the end of the day...no wetness and no smell. Color me happy. He does not want to switch, because he likes the smell of mens deodorant. I am a believer.

    It is the most easiest, most simplest things I have ever made.

    Ingredients:

    Baking Soda
    Corn Starch
    A jar to put it in
    A makeup puff/brush

    That is it!

    Usually it is a 1:1 ratio. Sometimes Baking Soda can be too harsh for some, so you add more Corn Starch til you are happy.

    I tried just Baking Soda and I had no problem. 

    Thursday, 14 February 2013

    I am a Tattood gal February 14, 2013 *195.5

    I got my first tattoo when I was in my mid-20s. That one has since been covered up, with another one that actually means something to me.

    Peony
    Fast forward to 20 years later (where has the time gone) I am covered in tattoos, each one created by me. Its starts on my chest, goes over my shoulder, down my left side of my back. I have a huge tramp stamp dragon, then down my left leg around my ankle to my left toe. Each image (tattoo) represents something important to me, and one runs into the other. I have a continuing tattoo on my right arm that is dedicated to my son. I add to it as he gets older. I have done the same thing to my left arm, except it is about me.

    My second tattoo was something that came about, in a round about way. I was a cutter when I was younger. There is a place on my arm that has about 4 scars, that I had grown to be embarrassed of. They represented my depression, stupid decisions, and things that I wish I had never done.
    Dragon

    When you are depressed (for me anyways), you have this tiny voice, that never lets you rest. It says bad stuff to me, about me. You are fat, you are ugly, you are worthless. It also keeps going over events in your life that were not great.  I had already started treatment for depression, and knew that the tiny voice (my subconscious) was no friend to me. I had to learn to forgive myself. So I did (took years).

    My second tattoo says forgive and forget. I needed to forgive myself and try to forget it. That started a lifelong obsession of expressing myself through my body. I generally dont like people, talking and getting close to them makes me sick (anxiety). I have so many feelings and tattoos were a way for me to let them all out.

    Puppy Prints
    Sometimes though, my tattoos and piercing were actually another way of cutting myself. I could cause pain to myself, that was not as obvious and every one would think I was ok. When I cut myself, it was to express pain, to overcome it, become the master of it. When the pain was done, there was this incredible release, a wonderful feeling. I would do it again and again. When I started tattoos and piercing the same thing happened.



    People often ask me if tattoos hurt. Uh...yup. That is why I do it. For the time that it takes for the artist to finish, is the amount of time my tiny voice (bitchy me), shuts up. When it is all over, and the artist rubs Vaseline on it, I am flying high.


    Tuesday, 12 February 2013

    Flower in Concret

    'Nature Will Find A Way'






    This is how I feel today, which is a huge improvement. Something small and fragile, breaking and splitting through concrete.

    I have stayed true to my diet, almost clinging to the challenge of keeping on my path. It has become my light at the end of the tunnel.

    I have not lost any weight the last little while. I am 'maintaining', and it is calming my anxiety about regaining my weight after I have completed my weight loss journey.

    I realize I have put too much pressure on myself to lose 100 lbs by the end of 2013. I have never lost weight easily. Weight has never fallen off like magic. I stay true to my diet, never cheat, do exercises, but I usually only lose 1-3 lbs a month. For me to reach my goal, I would have to lose an average of 2.5 lbs a week.

    To remove some of my stress, I have given up on the goal of reaching 120 lbs by the end of 2013. I am going to lose weight in a slow (sigh) steady manner (sigh). I will reach my goal, when ever I reach it. I am already 60 lbs down from my highest weight, and  still have 76 lbs to lose. I think I may also rethink my goal of 120 lbs. Is it realistic for my height and age? I know I can reach it, but is it something I can comfortably reach and importantly, maintain.

    Does this mean I am giving up? Does this mean I am lowering my standards because I am passing through a dark time? I don't think so. I feel good about this decision. My will power feels rejuvenated.

    Life has never been easy for me, but at least I am here. I have a beautiful son, though he is driving me crazy (pun not intended), at the moment. I have a family who cares for me, though they think I should be able to fix that part of me that causes these feelings. I am not a car that can be fixed.

    There is something not right in my head, but I go through it, fight it, fight back and come through the other side. The next time is never easier, but I get better at getting there.





















    *I found this picture on this site here

    Monday, 11 February 2013

    Very Inspiring Blogger Award

    I have been nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award by Jane from Behind the Chintz Curtain How unbelievably amazing is that?! I met Jane through a group we are both members of in goodreads.

    She has created a fabulous blog, that I absolutely enjoy visiting everyday. She writes reviews on any number of things. From erotic books, to sexy toys. She is very candid about her lifestyle and what she likes and dislikes. Her outlook is refreshing, and I would recommend her site to anyone who is brave enough to embrace their sexuality and be empowered by it. If you do go to her site, ask her about the bikini wax that was interrupted by the fire brigade!

    Very Inspiring Blogger is about paying it forwards, letting people know that you enjoy reading their blogs, and helping others discover them, too. The rules of accepting a nomination are simple:
    • Display the Very Inspiring Blogger badge in a post or on your sidebar;
    • Link back to the person who nominated you;
    • State seven things about yourself so that people can find out a little bit more about you.
    • Nominate fifteen blogs you enjoy visiting and link to them; and
    • Notify those bloggers of their nomination and the Very Inspiring Blogger requirements.
    The part I am not crazy about. Seven things about me...

    1. I am an avid reader (I read anything and everything)
    2. I am not a people person. People think I am, I just fake my way through life
    3. I like to be alone, but it does get lonely
    4. My first/second favorite books of all time are To Kill a Mockingbird, 2nd the whole HP series,
    5. I originally started my Fixing Me blog to lose 100 lbs before the end of 2013. It has since morphed into a life line.
    6. I thank God for spell check!
    7. I have alot of tattoos and piercings

    Phew, all done.

    And the fifteen bloggers I’m nominating for Very Inspiring Blogger?

    1.Behind the Chinz Curtain
    2.Fit to the Finish
    3.Girl Hero
    4.Your Lighter Side
    5.Chubby McGee
    6.100 Days of Real Food
    7.Jack Sh*t, Getting Fit
    8.Hungry Happy Healthy
    9.Keeper of the Home
    10.Life as I know it
    11. The Year Round Gardener
    12.Weight Loss Success Stories
    13Container Gardening for Food
    14 Empress of Dirt
    15.Growtest

    If I didn't mention you, it is not because you were not in my thoughts!

    Now I have to pick up the courage to message all these people. Ugh! Just because I read them, and enjoy them, and learn from them, does not mean they know who I am. Well here goes...

    Wednesday, 6 February 2013

    Spicy Chicken Soup

    Spicy Chicken Soup
    Spicy Chicken Soup

    Ingredients

    * 2 Chicken Thighs
    * 1 Onion or green onion diced
    * 1 Red or Orange or Yellow Pepper chopped
    * 3 Garlic Cloves minced (or used minced stuff from a jar)
    * 2 tbsp of Parsley
    * 1 Can of Diced Tomatoes
    * 1 tbsp Paprika
    * 1 tbsp Chipotle powder
    * 1 tsp of Cumin powder
    * 1 tbsp of Minced Chili Peppers (in a small jar)
    * 1 Can of Black Beans
    * 1 Cup of Niblet Corn (frozen or can)
    * Pinch of salt


    Boil the chicken, til the meat falls off the bone. Keep the water, as that will be the broth for the soup! De-bone the chicken and put back in water. Here comes the hard part...chop everything up...add to broth. Let simmer for a bit and enjoy!

    I like to add cheese to everything, so I add a serving of shredded cheese (anything that is in my fridge).



    * I never use bouillon cubes or box broth. If I make a roast chicken I save the bones/skin and freeze them. I boil the crap out of them when I make a soup and voila...broth!
    I do the same thing with veggie broth. If I am making my Rainbow Salad or something else that calls for alot of veggies I save the ends and freeze them. I take out and boil the crap out of them when I make a soup and yup you guessed it...voila...veggie broth!

    Tuesday, 5 February 2013

    I am climbing...

    Your fat. Your ugly. Your lazy. You are lonely. You are good for nothing. You are tired. You are broken. Your fat. Your ugly. Your lazy. You are lonely. You are good for nothing. You are tired. You are broken.  These are the thoughts that swirl in my head. Whispers and murmurs constantly repeating.


    Depression
    I feel myself sliding down, I know it, but can't stop myself from going. Then I forget that I am going to get better, that this is all I will ever have. No hope.

    Swirling into the blue, is an easy slide. Going faster, darker, quick like the blink of an eye.

    Getting out is a battle. Climbing inch, by aching inch. Until life gets less gray, less lonely.

    ...I am climbing...I am getting better...I see the whispers for what they are...lies. I am not fat (ok yes I am). I am not ugly. I am lonely. I am good for something. I am tired. I am broken (but I am trying).












     *** Depression

    Monday, 4 February 2013

    Shrimp Salsa

    Shrimp Salsa

    Ingredients
    Shrimp Salsa

    10 Shrimp ...broken up in 2s or 3s
    1 Small Onion/bunch of green onions...finely chopped
    1 Tomato...chopped
    1 tbsp of Parsley (cause I cant stand Cilantro)


    Dressing

    1 or 2 tbsp of Olive Oil
    1 or 2 tbsp of Lime juice
    pinch of salt

    Mix everything together and let peculate and enjoy!

    * I use Costco Shrimp, I just have to thaw and slip off the end of the tail.

    ** I had this at a friends house over the summer with Tortilla chips and asked her for the recipe. I did not think of this myself.

    Sunday, 3 February 2013

    Rainbow Salad

    Rainbow Salad

    Ingredients

    2 Tomatoes...chopped
    2 or 3 Peppers (orange/red/yellow/green)...chopped
    1 Medium Onion/green onion...finely chopped
    Parsley 1-2 tbsp (dry)
    2 Cups Black Beans ( homemade/or canned)
    1 Cup Corn Niblets
    Feta Cheese (as much as you want...I added it at the very end so it would not get too mushy)

    Dressing

    2 or 3 tbsp of Olive Oil
    2 tbsp of Wine Vinegar
    pinch of salt

    Mix every thing together, let peculate, and enjoy!

    *I first saw this salad on Girl Heroes. I changed it a smidge to reflect my own tastes

    Saturday, 2 February 2013

    Spiraling into the Blue February 7, 2013 *197.

    For the last couple of weeks, I have been spiraling into another fit of depression. You ever see one of those Maple tree seed propeller thingies? Spiraling to the earth...









    ...No worries... I am not giving up. I am taking good drugs, fighting tooth and nail to stay afloat.

    Fake it til ya make it.


















    * Found pic on web on this website The Ubyssey could not find name of painter to give credit.

    Homemade Laundry Soap






    I made LAUNDRY SOAP! for the first time. I found the recipe on Keeper of the Home.

    All you will need:

    Borax (stain removal and whitening)
    Homemade Laundry Soap
    Washing soda (odor removal)
    Soap bar (degreasing)

    *Grate your bar of soap*    I used Sunlight, as it was the only one I could find in the laundry section. I read that you can use any bar of soap that you want. I found the pieces were a little big, (pic on right) so in my next batch I smushed the grated pieces in my fingers. They are pretty brittle so they just broke apart.
    *Mix in 1 cup of Borax*  Gently, you don't want a cloud of Borax in your throat.
    *Mix in 1 cup of Washing Soda* Gently, you don't want a cloud of Borax and Soda in your throat.

    Washing Soda, Borax, Soap
    That is it. Mix all together and put in a container. I was so excited about making my own laundry soap, that I went out and bought new container. 

    I put the list of ingredients (in permanent marker) under the cover, so I would not have to find the recipe again. I also put 1-2 tbsp on the top of the cover so I would know (or other family members) how much to put in.



    Friday, 1 February 2013

    The word of the day is Organization February 1, 2013 9 197.2

    I cant remember what started my search, but I ended up reading a few blogs on frugal living. I am as poor as a church moose, so I decided to take a quick gander. I found posts on nearly everything you can think of, and one that interested me the most was...laundry soap. I am going to make homemade laundry soap. I went out today and got the ingredients. I sure hope it works out.
    My new motto

    The other post I read up on was organizing. I am going to organize the sh&t out of my life/house. I am an organized person, but not in a structured way. Since my AHA moments from last week, I have been really looking into ways of organizing my life better. I am also a huge procrastinator, and there are nights that I cant sleep because I have panic attacks when I think of all the things I am not doing. I found another site that hit on what I was looking for.

    You create an organization binder. You put in calls or appointments you need to make, when you work, your DIY projects, your garden plans,  your weekly/monthly meal plans (which I do already), cleaning schedule, to do lists, favorite recipes...
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