Thursday, 31 January 2013

Giving up is not an option January 31, 2013 *197.7



I have been feeling a little down (not giving up!) for the past couple of weeks. Partly because of the my weight staying stuck in one spot. The other would be my life away from the blogosphere (4 freakin animals and one teenager, in my 625 sq. ft. house!). I know most everyone suffers from the same thing every now and then...blah blah. 

Someone left me an amazing comment on my Fixing Me : Gosh darn it! January 29, 2013 *199.0 post. It hit home in such a profound way, that it left me reeling! Here is the exact comment:
"I learned to look at plateaus like a practice for maintenance. Keep doing what you know you should and the scale will begin to move again!" This concept may seem simple, or it may not hit you the same way as it did me.

One of my biggest concerns is that I will gain all my weight back after I have lost it all. If I learn to look at my plateaus as practice then...WOW! To me this is brilliant, and just what I needed to hear.

I hate to sound like I am brown nosing, or playing it up, but I have to say one of the blogs that affects me the most in my journey has to be hands down Fit to the Finish. I read her  (Diane's) posts and they speak to me. Looking at things the same way all my life has not helped me lose weight. I take her posts and try to see my behaviors/actions/thoughts/ activities in a new way. Then take that information and change my behaviors/actions/thoughts/ activities to reflect that.

Well, I am off to work.

Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Gosh darn it! January 29, 2013 *199.0

Grrr....grrr...kick...why? Grrr! It is official damnit. I am having a plateau moment. This very thing, at the exact same weight happened to me last year! Huge difference though. I was totally crazy last year, and the plateau sent me to the outer stratosphere. I was exercising like crazy, and eating hardly nothing. Needless to say I lost maybe 1 lbs in one month, and lost the will to continue.

Flash forward to today. I am pissed/sad/upset/whining/motivated! I am not going to give up. Why would I do that? If this is the only way to move forward and I only lose 1 lbs a month, then that is what it will be. I am sure that wont be the case, but it is something I must prepare for mentally.

I guess now I have to research the crap out of plateau phenomenon.

Monday, 28 January 2013

Plateau cheer up January 28, 2013 *198.6

Old Measurements
Waist 46
Hips 51
Boobage 47
Thigh 29
Arm 14
Current Measurement January 28, 2013
Waist 40-6
Hips 45-6
Boobage 43 -4
Thigh 27 -2
Arm 14 -0
Total Inches Lost 18 !

Aha moment #2 January 28, 2013 *198.6

This past week has been a hard one, food wise. I have been nibbling a bit, and feeling STARVED! I have low blood pressure and low blood sugar. I have found a huge difference since I have cut out sugar and processed food. I no longer have spikes in my blood sugar and or feel faint. This past week though, I have felt relatively weak and faint.

I figured out why yesterday. I have cut out nearly all my carbs from my diet. I am not following a no carb diet. I have already done that to disastrous results. What I have done, is cut out all processed food. I eat Ryvita crisp bread for breakfast with laughing cow cheese, with an egg white omelet and prunes. Everyday! It covers all the food groups, is my largest meal, and it sets me off to a great day, diet wise.

I ran out of Ryvita a few days ago, so my breakfast has been chicken bacon, one egg and prunes. Lovely breakfast, very yummy. I go to work and wow, I am starving to the point that I started to really question my diet.

I went grocery shopping this morning, and bought Dutch Rusks. I had a couple with laughing cow cheese. I was so busy today, that I never ended up eating anything else til around 1. Then I had a couple more. My total calorie intake was 300 calories. I was not hungry or faint. Now I realize some of it was being busy, but I am hugely busy at work too. What was different today?

Yup, you guessed it. Carbs. It makes enough a difference that I was feeling faint when I didnt even have the little I was allowing myself. I eat lots and lots of naturally occurring carbs though. Sweet potatoes/ squash/ any and all veggies.

So though it was a hard week diet wise, I had two AHA moments. 1. I eat when I am anxious, and 2. that I feel faint and super hungry when I dont allow a little bit of carbs in my diet

Sunday, 27 January 2013

What have I gotten myself into? January 27, 2013 *198.8

I have become the 'proud ' mother of two (TWO!) cats...OMG! I said something in the heat of the moment, and holy crap on toast I am now the mommy of even more animals. No good deed goes unpunished is my new motto.

My sister left her husband and decided to get rid of most of her animals. Stupid me and my big mouth. I said I would take her two cats. I now have my own dog, a 200 lbs baby. My mom's dog, a barking, poop eating beast. Now two (TWO!) freakin' cats.

They are actually super nice, and wonderful cats. I just dont have the room. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

***

Friday, 25 January 2013

Stumbling onto my AHA! Moment. January 25, 2013 *198.8

I did a couple of new to me recipes yesterday. They worked out surprisingly well, considering I was making breadsticks out of a veggie!  I was all gung ho for trying out all the other ideas on cauliflower noodles, pizza, uh...nope. Going to stay away from that. I am not allergic to flour, I am just choosing to stay away from it. I have a life long love affair with cheese, that would not be helped by making all these gluten free recipes.

My calorie intake from all the cheese yesterday was shocking. Add the fat and the salt that is in the cheese I am surprised I stayed in my daily calorie allotment.

It was because of yesterday, that I stumbled on one of my stumbling blocks. I like routine. I like doing the same thing every day. If I am forced out of doing the exact same thing, I get anxious, or feel out of control. For example... I  eat the same breakfast every day. If I dont, I feel like I am missing something, or that my world is out of alignment. When all is not right with the world, what do I do? Thats right! I eat!

What?  Can it be that simple? I feel brilliant. It has taken the better part of my adult life to get here. I finally had my AHA! Moment.

What is funny though, is if I am not on a diet, I eat anything and everything with out feeling anxious! It is when I am on a diet, that I plan, plan, plan. If I step out of this plan, I feel like I walked outside naked. Seriously. So I eat to cover myself back up.

Yes yes, I knew I was an emotional eater, but it was just a word with no real context to me. I did not feel it. I feel it now. I know I eat if I am stressed out or sad or scared. But I did not know I ate to cover up being taken out of my comfort zone.Yesterday, I did not eat at my regular time, my regular food for breakfast or do my regular early morning house cleaning. I had a low to medium urge to eat all day. To snack, to nibble, to check what was in my fridge. Since I have been on my diet/new way of life/fixing me plan, I have not felt that urge.

I now realize why. I have been planning everything out. I have been writing things down (my blog), I have been sticking to the plans with out any deviations. I just trudge along, happy in my simple little life. It is when I take myself out of this that I fall flat, or fail. Hmmm, I am so smart!

Why not play to my strengths then? I like planning, sticking to the same routines. So that is what I am going to do. I realize I have been doing this all along in this new diet regime. That is why I feel so empowered, and that I feel like this time I am going to make it.

Thursday, 24 January 2013

Cauliflower bread sticks?! January 24, 2013 *199.8

I found a recipe online  from the blog Your lighter side, that made me go huh?! Cauliflower bread sticks! I have been thinking about this recipe for about a week. I am off today so I thought...why not?

My first attempt at Cauliflower Pepperoni Sticks
Here is the recipe if you are interested Cauliflower Pepperoni Bread Sticks. Its a messy undertaking, little bits of cauliflower were everywhere! As I was making it, I was sure it was going to totally suck. Happily I was wrong. It was delish. Nom Nom Nom!

It does not look at all like the picture that came with the recipe, but who cares? I did a calorie count through the recipe builder in My Fitness Pal and each piece comes up with 206 cals. High in fat and sodium. :(  If I want to add this to my menu plan, I will have to find cheese that has a lower fat/salt content and still be a clean option. The other problem is the pepperoni. I found a cleanish version of deli meat, but there is no way around the sodium if I go that route. I am thinking of making my own spicy sausage/meat mixture which would work with this. This would eliminate the sodium problem.

I found other cauliflower recipes that are mind boggling. Lasagna, potato salad (made out of cauliflower), waffles, pizza. I want to try a few of them. So much cheese is a problem. Its a binding agent to make this all stick together. But its getting rid of one problem and giving you another. I think I may up the veggie, decrease the cheese a smidge and see what happens.

I found all those same recipes but with zucchini. Wow. That is great news, because cauliflower is kind of expensive, and I have never had any luck growing them. Now zucchini grows like a weed for  me. It is going to be an interesting summer. 

So far I am going to grow carrots, tomatoes, cucumbers, and now zucchinis in my garden this year.  Yippee. Thankfully I have a green thumb! I have started the ground work on my new gardening blog...I am so excited for summer.

I have got to go. I am getting my nails done. I am turning out to be such a girl. Who knew?

***

Ok I am back from my adventures in girly land... and Ta Da! These are this months nails. Not exactly what I wanted, but live and learn.

Oh, and I may never make those freakin Cauliflower Pepperoni bread sticks...they are too good. I have wanted to snack a little too much today!

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Hungry! January 23, 2013 *199.2


Ouch!
I weighed in ay 199.2 today! I finally changed my tongue piercing. I had bought it over a year ago to be my mini goal reward for getting to 200 lbs.  It hurts! The points on the star scrape the roof of my mouth Ugh! Needless to say,  I took it out. Never fear, I will have a mini goal reward!


I had to go to work early today, and holy shiitake mushrooms I was HUNGRY all day long! I ate my lunch during break, hoping that a bigger meal would help. Nope! I ate everything in my lunch box, even my emergency stash of almonds. I re-counted my cals when I got home and I had 175 for supper. Sheeesh. A serving of Talapia and A LOT of cauliflower...Oh and water of course.

Milo, my 200 lb baby!

I was going to go for a long walk, so I could eat my exercise calories. Then I found out it is - 40 outside. No way am I going for a walk. I could probably dress warm enough, but Milo has outgrown last years winter coat, and I have not been able to find a replacement.  Last years coat was the biggest size available nationwide. I have to go to a baby horse or miniature horse blankets now.

Not kidding!








Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Birth of my Goal January 22, 2013 *200.00



 A few months ago, I decided I needed to get back on the diet track. I wanted to be accountable to more than just myself. So I decided to rejoin WW. I walked out after they wanted me to pay 60 bucks to rejoin, not including the 18 dollars per week! Forget that. I went home and started thinking about what I really wanted.

I wanted a New Years Resolution that would change my life
I wanted to lose weight
I wanted to write a food diary to monitor what I ate
I wanted to weigh myself daily so I could learn more about my body
I wanted to write a daily diary
I wanted to read about other people going through the same things as I was
I wanted to organize my life
I wanted to read articles that make me think
I wanted to be held accountable
I wanted to not be alone in my struggles

I started to do some research. How do I go about tying all of these ideas together? Hmmm. I keyed in online diary and my blog was born!  Now my NYR. I wrote down a list of all the things I wanted to fix/change/didn't like about myself.

I was fat
I was out of shape
I smoked
I ate too much
I never went out
I had no energy
I never had anything nice to say about myself
I am single
I am isolated (within myself)
I am not happy
I am sad that my son is embarrassed to be seen with me

What single thing could I change about myself that would make the most difference? Lose weight! Nearly everything led back to being overweight. Ok so I found out my root problem. I know I am a genius. What was next?

A goal. I decided to think big (pun intended). I want to lose 100 lbs by end of 2013. Wow! Lofty goal. What did I have to do to get there? Well pretty much everything.

I quit smoking
I stopped eating every single minute
I started counting all my calories My Fitness Pal (I am madijo41 if you want to friend)
I started to research what I should eat
I wrote and read positive thoughts (my blog)
I started to plan my meals Fit to the Finish
I thought of ways to add more and more veggies in my day
I started to cut back on my pills (anti depressants and social anxiety)
I drank lots and lots of water
I cut out pop (at son's request)
I cut out sugar/salt (again at son's request)
I found a blog on clean eating 100 days of real food
I started to exercise Girl Heroes
I found recipes to make that were good for me (too many to list)
I started to walk or exercise every day (NYR)
I started to weigh myself every day (Scale Obsession Page)

 I am now 21 lbs down, with a total of 50+ lost (since 2011).  Only 80 more to go.

Monday, 21 January 2013

Brrrrr...it is cold outside! January 21, 2013 *200.2

It is freeeakin cold outside, going down to minus 30!  I usually go walking every night with Milo, that will not happen tonight! I made up for it by making sure I did alot of the hard jobs at work. I knew I would not go for a walk, so I got my work out at work instead.

Sheeesh, I weighed in at 200.2 lbs today. I had to weigh myself earlier than I usually do. It makes a huge difference too. I have found that the earlier in the morning I weigh myself the less weight I will show lost on the scale. My normal routine is to get up, clean the house a bit, take a shower and weigh myself. Today and any other day that I have to weigh myself earlier than usual (work), I notice no change in the scale or an increase. Good to know.

Sunday, 20 January 2013

Onederland! January 20, 2013 *199.8

Onederland Achieved!


Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...Happy Dance!...

Sunshine and roses? January 20, 2013 199.8

I just finished reading Miscellaneous Mom,  she is a blogger lover like me. She talked about being a mom and how much work it is to be one. Her post made me think about my relationship with my son. You often hear the phrase I hope you get a kid just like you when you have children! Ugh! I kind of did (depression/social anxiety).

It has not all been sunshine and roses in our lives.  Whose really is?  I wanted to have lots of kids and I really regret that I did not have more. I wanted my son to not be alone in life like I was. Well I didn't have more kids and maybe God was making sure I got what I could handle. When J*** went through his rough patch, my every single thought was focused on him. I didn't have to think of balancing my life to make sure anyone else was ok. He needed me 24/7, so that is what he got. Period. J*** is  A Ok now. Hard work does pay off.

Looking back on my son's life (he is only 15 now), I realize all things considered I had it pretty easy. My husband (now my ex), never took an active part in his raising. If I needed to go to an evening class and he gave him his bath, I would come back to total mayhem. There would be bottles/towels/diapers/pj's/powder/water/supper...everywhere!

When I became single less than a year later it was a huge relief. I had less work to do and I am a VERY organized person. If I needed to take a shower, he took one too. If I wanted a long long bath he had one too. I just brought in all his bath toys and he got some fancy bubbles.  If I wanted to go to the movies...thats right we went to the movies and he had ear plugs. If I wanted to do something, I McGivered it until he could too.

We had a set schedule that we followed pretty religiously. We got up and went to bed around the same time. We had ONE bedroom, so that was a no brainer.  J*** got up at 5:15 am every single freakin day! No wonder we went to bed at the same time. Not anymore thank God! Toilet training...seriously...was totally weird. He was done before he was 2, and he only had one accident and that was my fault. He needed to go pee and I didnt get what he was trying to say. It was work, but he got it from the very beginning and I was just along for the ride.

J*** had one temper tantrum when he was younger. Wow it was a doozie. When I say no, it is NO. There is no back up in me. ( I have had to work on that, I am not so strict anymore) My response when ever he threw something in anger was "I will throw that out if you do it again." He knew I would because I have done it more than once! Well needless to say, by the end of the tantrum there was basically nothing left in his room. It was all outside in a snow drift. When it was done J*** had to get dressed (yup he threw his pj's too), and go get all his stuff. It didn't help that I laughed my way through it all.

He was a cuddly affectionate kid, until it was sooo not cool to hug and say I love you. He is over that now (only took 5 years), and I am getting great hugs and "I love ya mom," again. I am not raising a kid, I am raising a man.







Saturday, 19 January 2013

Holy crap on toast! January 19, 2013 *201.00

Gee wiz! I weighed in at 201.0 lbs. I had to take my mini goal achieved off my home page. Thank goodness I had not used my goal award yet. I will reserve that til I have been at 200 lbs a couple of days. I know it is Aunt Flo that is screwing up with my scale. She is such an evil Bee-otch!


Anyhoo...I am off today. That has not happened in a very long time. I think I may go watch The Hobbit! Love me some Hobbits. I re-read the LoTR series every year. I made my kid dress up as Dumbledor...just kidding...as Gandolf, and the next year as Frodo. After that he was Captain Jack Sparrow, and Harry Potter. When I could not force him into the costumes I wanted, I started naming my pets after my favorite characters.

I had Frodo and Samwise love birds. I had a cat named Harry. I called one of my dogs Bronx, (Gargoyles the cartoon), cause I saved him from the bad streets. I tried to name my English Mastiff Atticus, but no one knew who that was. Sad! Then I wanted to call him Wolfgar, then Kitty. Can you see me calling my 200 lbs puppy... Here Kitty Kitty!

***

 Well well well!  Two pieces of good news. Went to the movies AND I did not eat any junk food! I am actually way under (too much under) my daily allotment. We went to the 4 o'clock show. Too early for supper and it was a three hour movie. By the time we got home and finished all our doggie walk/driveway shoveling it was too late for supper.

Its 9:30 at night and I follow the rule of no eating after 6 pm if at all logically possible. I am not starving and I don't feel deprived so I will let it be for tonight. If it happens again, I will just have to plan better. I don't go out often so I don't think it will be a problem.

I have reached 200 lbs!


I have reached 200 lbs!

 I have reached 200 lbs!









Friday, 18 January 2013

A Step back January 18, 2013 *201.6

One step forward...two steps back

Well I weighed in at 201.6 lbs today. I finally figured out why too. It was water weight I lost. I have not been drinking my water while Aunt Flo has been visiting. So really I did not make my 200 lbs goal yet. I will by the end of the week though. No worries (fingers and toes crossed).

I follow alot of different blogs and I read every single one. I have found out I am not alone in my struggle. I am not the only one out there who is lonely. I am not the only one has failed over and over again. I read about people who are interesting, who teach me things, who make me think about why I do things. For example; Diane from Fit to the Finish, wrote about stumbles on her post today Stumbles can really trip you up.  That really made me think. It is not a new concept, but  the topic came at the perfect time for me. I have always failed because I have always given up when I stumble. I cant continue to fail.

I have been stepping out of my comfort zone lately when it comes to my meals. I usually make the exact same breakfast every morning, and a small rotating group of meals for lunch and supper. I know what my danger foods are and I stay away from them with a religious zeal. I don't mind eating the same meals all the time at all. It makes me feel safe/secure and in control.

The last week or so, I have come to realize a couple of truths. So what is the truth? I know I will make it this time. I have the willpower to continue to the very end.  There is no end! I am changing my life. I have to make permanent changes. Can I realistically eat the same food for the rest of my life? Nope!!! Can I stay away from all my danger foods? Actually yes I think I can. So what is a happy medium? Try different foods, try different recipes that are not connected in my mind to eating while I am depressed.

My danger foods haunt me. Thankfully it is a very small list. My go to foods when I am depressed are not good for me mentally or physically. Pasta, like macaroni and tomatoes, K.D., or spaghetti. I have never been able to eat one serving of this. EVER! I actually don't have the same problem with rice noodles, go figure. Chips are the other danger food. I got through university by eating a large bag of BBQ Ruffle chips. Every single day. I actually gave those up a few years ago and have never had another one. Cereal. I could eat a box of cereal a day. Looking at this list objectively, I know I can stay away from these foods.

Back on topic...I have been trying different recipes, changing up my meals and I am controlling myself. I don't feel as in control, but I am having fun trying to find good food choices.

For example tonight I made Pizza. I made it out of Flat out Thin Crust Artisans Bread. 150 cals. Then the pizza sauce and  a serving of  skim Mozza with a serving of chicken bacon. It all came to 333 cals. I will have to work on making my own Pizza sauce though. The salt content in Catelli  was out of this world, (I now average 1500 mg or less everyday). My son loved it, which is a plus. I was going to take a picture, but I ate all before I got to it.

I also made my son some garlic bread, bad idea. I snacked on a bite here and there. Grrr.  I added some cheat calories to make sure that I was honest about what my count was for the day. I do not and will not lie about what I eat. That way leads to failure!!! Anyhoo...I went for a super brisk walk for 30 minutes to make up for the cheats. It was -17 with a -28 windchill. Brrrr.

Thursday, 17 January 2013

Ripple Effect of Depression January 17, 2013 *200.6!!


My losing weight has a ripple effect. I am eating better, therefor I make better food... so my son is eating better. I don't do take out anymore, and since I am the one that pays and drives he hardly gets anymore either. I walk nearly everyday, so my dog Milo is finally getting the exercise he deserves.

I have suffered from depression and social anxiety since I was very young.  I was only diagnosed and treated for it after 30+! All the signs were there, but I did not have a family that was willing/trained/interested/observant enough to help. I can look back at my life and see where I first showed the signs and I know it started when I was 5. I had my first cutting episode when I was 11 or 12, and my first breakdown when I was 18. Notice I said first, I have had more, but it was my last one at 30+ that finally got me treatment. I got treated and then my son (5) soon started showing signs too. That very day I started going through the process of getting him help. I did NOT want him to have my wasted life!!! It was a long exhausting road for both of us.

Though I say I went that very day to get help, it took me a bit to recognize the signs. I thought at first he was acting out, because he did not want to go to school. It progressed daily til he tried to jump out of the car. By then all my doors in the house were off their hinges (kept on locking himself in). He started complaining of stomach aches, and not feeling good. Right! On it went for a few weeks. Then one day it all clicked when I found his lunch bag full again for the umpteenth time. He was not eating at school.

Fast forward 6  months, we had daily visits to either mind/body docs, school principle, councilor, hospital for blood tests. My son had lost close to 20 lbs on a 60 lbs frame. He was literally skin and bones. I was his life line, as all mothers are.  I had to find a solution! I thought and researched and I found it. Thank You God.

He ended up going on medication for a brief period of time, but is now controlling and dealing with his life in a way that I wish I could have been given the opportunity to. Maybe I had to go through hell so that I could be the mother he needed? Who knows. I have to live the life I have. I am not often happy in it, but I have faked happiness all my life. Maybe this is the year that I will be able to fake it til I make it.




Wednesday, 16 January 2013

Peanut January 16, 2013 *201.6

This post will be about my mom' s dog Peanut. No weight stuff at all.

For years my mom had talked about having a dog. It was never the right time, blah blah. I decided to get her a puppy for her birthday while she was doing her annual snow bird imitation. I would buy the puppy and raise it for a few months, then when she came back she would have a trained dog.

Milo and Peanut the second day

I found a litter of Shorkies (Yorky/Shitsu) with one male left. When I brought Peanut home, he whimpered when he saw Milo for the first time. He soon got over that when he realized Milo already loved him.  As you can see, by the second day they were insperable. I called up mom and told her I would get her another dog and I would keep Peanut. No go. Mom was in love too.
Milo checking on his stuffed beaver toy







Aww, Milo keeping an eye on Peanut. What you dont see is Milo reaching ever so gently into the basket and taking his toy back and leaving the room.


Peanut never left Milo behind. They ate, slept, played and drank together. You could not take one with out the other. My mom came home in April and away went Peanut. Both dogs were upset, but I kidnapped Peanut often in the beginning, then less as Peanut got super attached to my mom.

Milo and Peanut
Milo and Peanut
Milo and Peanut in the car
As of this January 2013 Milo weighs 200 + lbs and Peanut weighs 20+ lbs.
Milo and Peanut on my veranda 2012
Peanut 5 lbs and Milo 165 lbs

Peanut

 It is now a year later and they are back together. I will update with new photos if I can get them to lay still for a few minutes.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

January 15, 2013 *203

I weighed in at 203 lbs today. Like I said...the countdown is on. I cant stress how much I am learning about my body and my moods. Simply by paying attention and writing down everything I eat and weighing myself everyday. Most of the stuff I already knew, but it was more nebulous. Now I have concrete evidence, and it will only get better and more detailed as time goes on.

I remember my last failed diet attempt. I lost it because I just kept on gaining weight, or so I thought. I weighed myself every week. Never really noticed any big changes. So imagine if I was bloated on my weigh in day. Or the week before my period (like this week), or any number of reasons  why you weigh more one day then the next.

I admit I am more dedicated (strict?) this time. I am an emotional eater, and anytime I weighed myself and didn't see a difference, or had a weight gain, that day would become my cheat day. So the rollercoaster would begin.

I don't do cheat days now. I don't have the right mind set for them. I am an all or nothing kind of gal. If I start of with a cheat in the morning, by night I will have eaten a cow!

I plan my meals  using myfitnesspal. I plan my week of meals using a menu planner. I count everything that goes into my mouth...no  lying or fudging about anything. Then I just follow my diet.

Some days are harder then others. Sometimes I want food food food, then some times I am like...meh. I like the  calorie shifting  theory, so I work that into my plan. If I dont feel like eating much or I am not walking around like a famine victim, then that will be one of my low calorie days. Yesterday was one of my higher calorie days. It keeps my body from getting used to the diet and hopefully will not stutter to a plateau.

***

Today ended up being a gorgeous day outside. I think it was only -7, and hardly any breeze. Perfect day for a walk, so that is what I did.

***

I gotta go pick up my mom's dog Peanut, who is going to live with me for 3 months.  The next week will probably be a little stressful. I already know Peanut and Milo get along, but they never stop playing. Sigh...I love my quiet time. I think my next blog post with be about Peanut.

Monday, 14 January 2013

Working hard January 14, 2013 *203.2

I weighed in at 203.2 lbs. No surprise at all. I will probably gain a little more until my period shows up. Sigh. I am so glad I am obsessive about weighing myself every morning! I would be depressed otherwise. Now I have last months info to study and see that this is normal for me.

I had to work really hard for those 2 pounds last week. Well its not like I dont work hard every week, but last week I felt a little out of control. My heart was in the diet game all week, but my head was not.

My work is going through a change right now, and I dont like change at all. It will be temporary, and stressful. My mom is going away for 3 months too. I dont like that either. Geez I am a negative person today...grrrr.

I have to go to work early and I dont want to. Waaaa  Waaaa.

I started another blog, and it is going to be dedicated to my gardens. I called it, wait for it....My Dog Patch Eden. I am pretty excited about it too.

I went for a 40 minute walk yesterday, and it was great. I went up and down the streets in my neighborhood. It ends up being a great work out, because the streets go are all on a hill. So about half of the walk is uphill, and yup you guessed it, the other half is downhill.

***

Gotta go get ready for work.

***

Well I am back from work. I am tired, cranky and whinny. Did I mention tired and whinny? I would normally make myself some comfort food right about now. Hmmm hands down, my all time favorite comfort food would be macaroni and canned tomatoes. Sounds weird, but my mom and I lived on the stuff when I was younger. Supper cheap and easy to make.

I am staying away from all comfort food, and pretty much all white stuff. I made myself some Shrimp Salsa for supper...nom, nom, nom. Should be interesting tomorrow. TMI time!

***

Sunday, 13 January 2013

Slow and steady wins the race? January 13, 2013 *202.0

I weighed in at 202.0 lbs today. Slow and steady wins the race...right? I still want to be the Hare!


I am the one on the left. I want to be the one on the right.

Saturday, 12 January 2013

Countdown is on January 12, 2013 *202.6

Ok, so I weighed in at 202.6 lbs today.

I have been pretty hungry the last day or so, and today was a chocolate kind of day. I resisted, but I was surrounded with left over Christmas chocolate at work! Now that I think about it, I got teary eyed at work yesterday, so I think the countdown to my period is on.

I used to be exactly 30 days in between my periods. Then I started on the pill just before I turned 15 or 16 years old. I used to get so sick and faint, that the doctor put me on them to help. It really did help. I took them religiously and my cycle changed to every 21 days. Crap! Then came my son, then back on the pills. When I turned 35 my Doctor wanted me to try something new, which did not work out. I soon stopped taking the pill all together.

A couple of years ago, my periods started going completely wonky. I figure I am pre pre menopausal. I never really know when my period is coming. It could be 15/21/30/45 days  and once it was 65 days! Eeek! I gained 15 lbs during the 65 day fiasco. Never! Again!

What will be interesting now, is that I am keeping a pretty cool record of my daily weight fluctuations. I think with the help of my scale obsession page I will be able to see if there is a repeat of last month. It will help me figure out why I get freakishly hungry sometimes, why I get TMI and when I start to bloat with water weight.

Friday, 11 January 2013

Busy busy busy January 11, 2013 *202.8

I weighed in at 202.8 lbs today. I promised myself I would write in my blog everyday. When I look back on my past diet attempts, I see where I normally fall off the wagon. I find if I stay strict with myself I stick to my diet. If I stop counting calories, more food starts going into my mouth. If I stop thinking about my diet, I stop making good food choices. It almost becomes something like out of sight out of mind.

No No No!
So I weigh myself every day. I write in my blog everyday. Sometimes when the scale is not moving in the right direction, I want to lie and not record the correct weight. Then I want to hit myself! Holy crap if I cant write the truth about my weight who the hell am I hurting? I caught myself doing that a couple of times already. If I fudge even an ounce, I mentally give myself a bitch slap.

Today was a long stressful day at work, with new people and new situations. I have to say...I dont like new people and new situations!

Thursday, 10 January 2013

What 100 lbs of fat looks like January 10, 2013 * 202.6

I was looking for a picture yesterday on an actual representation of what 100 lbs of fat looks like. I came up with a couple of different images. One was of the heavy bag. The other was this one. All I can say is wow! Isn't that an eye opener?!

I like to look at pictures like this. It makes me feel like I am doing something good for myself. I mean, I know I am doing something good for myself, but dayum...look at the picture. I am excavating that out of my body!

Its easy to get discouraged, when you see how much you still have left to go. But I have lost 50 lbs already. Yes I have another 70 to 80 lbs to go, but I have lost the equivalent of a bale of hay already. Or I have lost half of what is on that table! That is pretty amazing when you think about it.







Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Nom Nom Nom! January 9, 2013 *203.2

I weighed in at 203.2 lbs today!  Excuse me while I do my happy dance...happy dance, happy dance, happy dance...you have to use your imagination a little. Picture something uncoordinated and totally uncool and thats probably what it looks like.

I love cruising the internet for new recipes. I hardly ever try them, but I like to salivate over them. Since I have started my diet, I have actually been trying new to me cooking. I ran across this site  Herbivoracious the other day, and I am in love! Like seriously! Nom nom nom. Some of the ingredients are totally unfamiliar but I look them up and see if its something that can be substituted or not.

***

I went out again last night to my local Walmart, and I bought myself a pair of jeans. They were a couple of sizes smaller than my other pair. Needless to say I am very happy and proud of myself.

I also sat down and planned my meals for the rest of the week, using a menu planner that I pulled off of fit to the finish. After that was done, I went grocery shopping from the list I made. This is the first time I have ever done this. Seriously. I normally walk around aimlessly and pick whatever is on sale. I went in with a plan and left with all that I went in for.

I am now going to go cook something and freeze it.

***

http://madijo70.blogspot.ca/2013/02/rainbow-salad.html#links
Rainbow Salad
K...done cooking for now. I made a spaghetti sauce (pureed veggies hidden inside), a Rainbow Salad, Shrimp Salsa (which will be my supper tonight). I have also put some Lima beans to soak. I have never cooked those kinds of beans so should be interesting.  There is an interesting recipe on the package that I think I may try. It calls for tomatoes/cheese/onions...hmmm.


***

Ugh, I am eating my Shrimp Salsa, and I remember....TMI (no poops). Oh well. I have two huge bags of  shrimp from Costco, I gotta eat 'em. I just have to realize that it normally adversely affects my daily weigh ins. I will eat some extra prunes tonight.

http://madijo70.blogspot.ca/2013/02/shrimp-salsa.html#links
Shrimp Salsa
I went for a nice walk tonight. It was kind of chilly but still a nice walk. I have been slowly adding time to my walks. I am up to 30 minutes, and more than half of the walk is uphill. I am very proud of myself that I have only been forcing myself to go about half the time. The other half of the time I am happy to go.

***





Tuesday, 8 January 2013

Punching bag=100 lbs?! January 8, 2013 *204.0

= 100 lbs
I ran across this the other day. I was totally shocked! Did you know that heavy punching bag weighs 100 lbs?! My goal is to lose 100 lbs by end of 2013. I can not believe I am carrying the equivalent of a heavy bag around.

Someone posted this awhile back on MyFitnessPal. If I go by the list, I have lost a small bale of hay!

 1 pound = a Guinea Pig
1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds = a human’s skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds= chemical additives an American consumes each year
11 pounds = an average housecat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs
16 pounds = a sperm whale’s brain
20 pounds = an car tire
23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephant’s heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephant’s penis (yep, weights more than his heart!)
66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the World’s Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year
117 pounds = an average fashion model (and she’s 5’11”)
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of rubbish you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year
140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and she’s 5’4”)
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds
235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger
300 pounds = an average football lineman
400 pounds = a Welsh pony

***

I went out shopping today with my mom. We went out to eat afterward. I was kind of scared, that I would make bad choices. We went to a local restaurant that caters to people watching what they are eating. It has super delish food. I was able to get a salad/chicken/veggie plate, with homemade dressing on the side. I ate more than I normally do for lunch, and I could not do an accurate cal count. I am also not sure about my salt intake. Now that I have cut out salt from my diet, I can actually feel the difference when I do have some. I will drink as much water as I can, but I may be bloated for my weigh in tomorow.

***

Shoot me now. Its like I said, have one chip and I have to eat the whole bag! I ate out, and since then I have wanted to snack and eat! I have not succumbed, but dayum...

Tomorrow is not going to be good. Sheeesh.

***

Didn't snack tonight, but it was a very near thing. Things were rushed around the house, and I had supper standing up and rushed. The whole day felt out of control, and I really really didnt like it. I see now the reason I have done so well is all my planning, my slow and steady attitude to my meals. I never make anything that I really love, or have a hard time controlling. Supper tonight was meatloaf. One of my all time favorite things to eat. It was very hard to not keep picking at it til it was all gone. It was a close call. After I had nibbled once on the left over slice, I immediately stored it in a container and put it away. Out of site and out of mind.

***

Monday, 7 January 2013

Mini goal reward January 7, 2013 *204.0

I weighed in at 204.0 lbs. I admit I got on and off a few times to make sure. My new scale never ever changes its mind! Darn it all. I bought a star tongue piercing a couple of years ago. I bought it with the intention of using it as a mini goal reward. The goal? To get under 200 lbs aka onederland. I have never worn it. I took it out yesterday, and smiled. I am finally going to wear it! Maybe not this week or next, but I will get to wear it soon. I figure before January is done.

I have some other vague mini goal ideas, nothing that really jumps out at me. All of them seem to lean towards tattoos. I don't really have the money to get a tattoo every ten pounds, so I will have to rethink idea.

Like I said a few posts ago, I have switched to egg whites for breakfast. I hate to say this, but I actually...kind of like them.

Ryvita/cheese/eggs/prunes
I fry up an onion, then spoon on 6 tbs=3 egg whites, on top of them. I flip to cook the other side and voila! I like making the same breakfast every morning. It makes me feel in control, weird I know. I have ryvita multi grain bread, with eggs, laughing cow cheese and some prunes. It is a balanced meal, covering all the food groups. Everytime I eat it, I can feel myself getting into the right mind frame for the rest of the day.

***

I went to work today, and OMG I was crazy hungry all day! I stayed true to my diet, but holy shitake it was a hard one! I also have to add that my son decided to make brownies for the first time ever tonight. WHY?! I had a chewie corner of one. My first cheat since I started. Oh well, it had to happen some time.

I also have to go exercise before I go to bed. I did not have a busy day at work, and it is too freakin cold to go walking tonight. UGH, I have to go do some body weight exercises. Actually, I have to go do them right now. It is getting pretty late, and I have to do them before its officially tomorrow. Damn you New Years Resolution!

***

Phew...all done.

***


Sunday, 6 January 2013

Better today then yesterday January 6, 2013 *204.2

I weighed in at 204.2 lbs today. My weight is coming off slow and steady. I really wish it would come off faster. Fantasy I know, but I still wish it. The other day I saw myself in a mirror window, and I was so disappointed. I imagine myself smaller so much now, that it was sad to see the real me.  I want to wake up and be smaller.

I have found a whole slew of blogs that I subscribed to. Some are inspiring, some are total foodies, some are fitness freaks and some are just fun. I am very happy that I found out about blogging and other blogs. In the end it will be this tool that keeps me on my path. Well other than me, I mean. I write in my blog aka on line diary, everyday. I read other bloggers' blogs, and I stay inspired. I am in the middle of a win win situation.

I was at work the other day, and someone came up beside me and said, "you are losing weight aren't you? Looking good." Very first person to mention anything. I noticed that I am less..puffy. My bra fits better, my clothes, I don't feel like an expanding marshmallow in a too small bag.

I made gluten free air cookies today. Ugh....back to the drawing board on that one. I substituted too many things and they came out gross. All my own fault.

I downloaded the menu planner from  Fit to the Finish menu planning worksheet. Total awesomeness! I love how simple it is. I think I will also try the grocery list one too. I love having all these resources at my fingertips, ones that I didn't even know were out there.

Thank goodness I feel like moving today. I was a total slug yesterday. I don't like when I get like that. I don't want to move, go outside, be seen by anyone. A total blah day.

***

Chicken Tortilla Soup
I found a recipe for Chicken Tortilla Soup  at hungryhealthyhappy this week. I decided to make it today and it was delish!  Really, seriously delish.

***

Saturday, 5 January 2013

Don't...wanna...move...January 5, 2013 *204.6

Still 204.6 lbs, and all I want to do today is sleep. I have no motivation to move, or be active or be seen. I have already gone for one nap today, and want to go for another one. Luckily I have to go to work, or I would be crawling back into bed. I also forced myself to go shovel my driveway. The only reason I did was because I made a promised myself to exercise at least once a day. I swear that is the only reason why I even moved out of bed.

I do not even feel like writing in my blog today. One good thing though...I never once felt like cheating or slipping or ignoring my diet. So all in all, even though I am acting the slug, I am very proud of myself.

Until tomorrow.

***

Friday, 4 January 2013

What is the scale gonna say today? January 4, 2013 *204.6

Its early in the morning and I am wondering what the scale will throw at me today. I have been all over the place, weight wise, all week. I predict I will be 205 lbs this morning.

I just finished reading Fit to the Finish post on meal planning and it was like a light bulb went off. Write out a menu for the week, and do a grocery list. When you think on how anal I am, I can't believe I have not thought of this myself. I also liked the idea of having a couple of the days as set meals. Like pizza night, or spaghetti night, or making enough to have leftovers for lunch the next day. I was kind of doing that, by making meatloaf or extra sauce and freezing it. This is going to take it to the next level!

***

Ha ha ha...I am 204.6 lbs today! Coolio.

I took some pictures of me this morning and posted them in the progress pics page. If I was not already on a diet, I would after seeing how bad I look. Yikes! Anyhoo, last night I decided to try on a pair of pjs that I have had for at least 3 years. I never even bothered to try them on as they said they were XL. I saw them last night and said, why the hell not. So on they went. Guess what? They fit perfectly. Not too small either. Nice! That made me pretty happy.

I told my son about my daydream where I hug him and I am not bigger than him. He does not get it. Thats ok, I do. When he was a baby, or still a young kid, it was natural for me to be bigger than him.  He grew this year and is over 5' 11"! I dont want to still be bigger than him by 100 lbs, 80 lbs!

I think I might take a picture of me dressed for work. I want to look back and see what I looked like when I am out in public.  In nearly all the before (on purpose) pictures the people are wearing sad expressions, no makeup and bad hair. Whereas the after pictures they have makeup, hair done all up, nice clothes and are smiling.

Geez I have taken more pictures of myself in the past few weeks than I have in a few years. I am going to become a camera junkie  ;)

***

Ugh! So I took some pictures and I immediately deleted them. I seriously cant believe I look that bad. I guess that is what happens when you refuse to look in the mirror for a couple of years.

***

 

Thursday, 3 January 2013

Water... January 3, 2013 *206.2

I weighed in at 206.2 today. I am a little disappointed, but really I know I am down a bit more than that. I love that I am weighing myself everyday. I feel more in control of my 'diet' this way. I do not let my weigh ins control my mood at all. I was kind of scared I would. I get a little disappointed, obviously. At the same time this is helping me learn my body. 

I know I have not been drinking as much water as I should. I think I will do a schedule for myself about that. Yes I am anal like that. Hmmm one before breakfast then some green tea with breakfast. One before lunch, one with lunch. One before supper, one with supper. Ok that makes 6. That is doable. I can drink two during the evening, making a total of 8. Rock on!


I decided to go over my diet plans, and everything I am doing right or wrong. Here is a list of all the good things:

I stay under my daily calorie allowance
My meals are planned and well thought out
I eat fruits and veggies, dairy and protein
I have cut out all white stuff, like sugar/salt/bread/cereal/pasta/rice
I do not eat sweets/treats/pop
I look at all the food that goes in my body
I take a long time to eat my food/take breaks as I eat if I need to
I check cal/salt/sugar/protein amounts
I check labels to see if item as fructose, or unpronounceable ingredients
I drink herbal/green tea
I make all my meals from scratch
I use no salt ingredients
I use Pam to cook with
I do not snack or cheat
I do not graze/taste my food as I cook
I never give into temptation

Now for the things I need to work on:

More exercise/planned
Better sleep schedule
More exercise
More water
Stop thinking life will be better as soon as I lose weight!

***

I checked my BMI score, and using my weight of 206 lbs my new BMI is 33.2.  Put that into perspective. A BMI between 30.0-34.9  puts you in the obese class I.  Which is awesome when you think of it. When I started last month I was Obese class II! I input different weights to find out how much I needed to lose before I was in the overweight class. I have to be 185 lbs. Groan. Another 20 lbs before I am not considered Obese, just overweight. 

Wednesday, 2 January 2013

Sleeeep.... January 2, 2013 *207.0

Eeek! I weighed in at 207.0 lbs this morning. I had shrimp salsa last night, nom nom nom. Unfortunately,  it always screws with my poop cycle. TMI? Never! This morning I had an extra serving of dried plums aka prunes. We will see who laughs last, mwhaaa  mwhaaa. Any hoo, I ate my last boiled egg yesterday, remember too many cals and seriously not good to eat so much fat. I made an omelet with some yummy (glop) egg whites out of a carton. It was actually pretty good.

***

Going back to sleeeep. I go through weeks sometimes months of insomnia. I am finally coming off one of those binges and wow, am I ever tired. I need to catch up on all my lost sleep. Which is cool, because I looove to sleep.

There is a funny/weird thing I do when I am in a diet. When I start to do it, I know I am going to make it. The sad part of all this, is that I have lost weight so many times that I actually have traditions. Sheeesh. Anyways, here it goes... I day dream before I sleep or anytime I am laying down, about how I will look like after I have lost x amount of weight. I imagine people's reactions to my weight loss, my feelings, my new clothes, my happiness levels, my energy. I imagine myself in my too big clothes, how proud I am of what I have done. I imagine how I move, how much more energy I have, how more outgoing I will be. I imagine I have someone in my life. My favorite one is the one that I hug my son, and he surrounds me, instead of me overwhelming him. Lovely.

***

Today is going to be crazy at work. I will be doing alot of heavy lifting, moving, carrying and walking. I am tired already.

***

Well I am as tired as I thought. It was not as hectic as I expected it to be. Still did alot of moving/lifting/bending/walking.

*** 

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

My Goal Statement January 1, 2013

I have a goal for the year 2013. It is to reach my goal weight of 120 lbs by December 31, 2013!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Follow by Email

Total Pageviews